Entry 05

2/14/2016 9:04 AM

It has been far too long since I last posted here, sheesh. I didn't even get to talk about the new header image for the website itself, which was made for me by Dib. Impressive, since I honestly did not shut up about the thing in real life for around three days. I love it so much. I want to put it eeeverywhere. Everything belongs to Dio.

In other news, I'm sick again, which is probably why I feel like I have the time to make blog posts again. I've been kind of busy with schoolwork and being generally exhausted, but I started a new roleplay blog for an AU Joseph and I have. Lab AU, wherein Dio is a genetically hybridized dinosaur/human. Nice nod to my Stand.

So, it's like 9 AM, and I've actually been awake for around two hours, because I had a nightmare and that woke me up. It's something interesting to talk about, though. Vampire hunters.

I feel like the question of "what about vampire hunters?" has actually come up a few times? Not directly to me, but I've seen it around the internet in one form or another. So, what about them? Well, they weren't necessarily a problem, really. Ripple users were the closest thing to vampire hunters, considering the whole thing with Pillar Men VS. hamon. The fact that I was a vampire just kind of didn't get out. Pet Shop ensured people did not come near my mansion, Terence, or, someone, was very good at tying up loose ends regarding people who got tangled up in our little slice of the world. Someone took care of it, at least, Terence is a viable option considering his intelligence.

I might head back to sleep, I've downed some medicine and I'm feeling drowsy again. Thank god I can bump that previous depressing post down.

Happy Valentines Day.

- Dio

Entry 04

1/29/2016 4:59 PM

So, today’s been a little mixed. Nothing’s been particularly difficult, I finished RL series circuits this morning and had one of the easiest math lessons we’ll get all year. But I’ve been catching onto something I’m not entirely sure of how to word.

The simplest way to say it would be “no one likes me,” but that’s not quite true. Dib must have some attachment, as we talk online every day, and I know Joseph likes me. I also have a set of people I eat lunch with, and it’s enjoyable more often than not.

But the problem perhaps lies with the fact that I am often surrounded in my daily life by people who know each other, people who’ve known each other and actively want to be around each other. And when it comes down to it, I don’t have anyone like that who’s accessible. It sucks, having to ask someone to let you be part of a group every time. These people don’t seek you out ever again. It’s like being a constant third wheel. Third wheeling just to get something done. You can tell you’re not wanted, they’d probably have more fun without you. It’s miserable.

The worst thing is, I don’t know what it is about myself that makes me so undesirable. I’m used to being pinned as “quiet,” but even the quiet kids can get pulled into something. People actually like quiet kids, I think. I got chewed out all my life for being singular in my interests, and while I hold to that, I taught myself to shut the fuck up about things that no one cares about. I feel like I’m not too horribly awkward, I can sometimes pass off as a person with regular interests. I just don’t know. I feel like I get funny looks behind my back a lot. No one ever initiates a conversation. If there’s something wrong with me, I don’t know what it is.

Even with my small friendgroup, I feel like an outsider sometimes. They’ve all got history, they’ve known each other for multiple years. Been to each others’ houses, had classes together. That’s just not something I’ve experienced casually for a long time. I don’t know if I’m even capable of it, really. Having friends like a normal person. I’d probably be too tired or anxious, even if I did hang out with other people more.

Something I’ve noticed, also, is a distaste for younger selves? I can understand it, it’s easy to wrap my head around. But it’s not something I share. I just look back at my younger self and feel bad for them. Is it a kind of self-pity? Does it mean I haven’t grown? There’s no frustration or distaste I can muster. Just sadness, and perhaps guilt. I was probably a better person, then.

I’m not who hurt me, but I feel an entirely different breed of monster.

- Dio

Entry 03

1/28/2016 7:11 PM

Everyone’s asleep, so I think now’s as good a time as any to write up a post. I stayed home today with a bad headache, so my schedule’s thrown off. I’ve had headaches all week. Shit sucks. The winning theory for the cause is stress, unfortunately, and there’s nothing that can be done about that. I’m looking forward to the weekend. One more day. On the bright side, I got a lot of chemistry homework done today.

In more interesting subjects: Rewatched some of the final episodes of the Stardust Crusaders anime. I didn’t realize my closest companions’ episodes were all in a row. I’ve been talking to Joseph and Dib about them quite a bit, recently. I really do miss each and every one of them. Good company is hard to find.

Terence’s position came up multiple times. In canon, he’s located in a room below the main mansion floor. This was the basement. I remember, vaguely, his request for its use, and I granted it, “so long as any wine that was found would be brought to me.” He stashed his game systems down there, kind of like an in-progress version of some the fancy game rooms that are out there today. I would not be surprised if he had to blow dust out of the cartridges regularly. It’s possible I’m wrong, but I get the feeling he tried to teach me how to play a few times? There’s a pretty heavy technological gap over the span of 100 years. I don’t think I ever took to it. Poor kid.

- Dio

Entry 02

1/27/2016 8:06 AM

I was planning on doing entries in the afternoon, but I was exhausted yesterday. So here I am, writing on my phone again. I could technically still call this night. The moon's clearly visible. When it's foggy in the mornings like this, it reminds me of siccing Tarkus and Blueford on Jonathan + Friends. Good memories, in my opinion.

On another note, I've found something amusing. During the day, I've felt I've got a lot of material to write on, but once I'm home, I've realized it's all arbitrary bullshit. Nothing anyone would want to read, not even myself. This is because it's primarily bitching with no solution, as human beings will have their flaws, and I, my own, and there's no short supply of lamentations over that subject. Will this stop me from future posts on such subjects? Absolutely not. This is my journal, and I will bitch. There are a lot of rarely-told stories, of genderqueer things and mental illness and why it sucks to be young.

TL;DR: The internet is an amazing place with fewer silencing tactics.

In terms of the website: The main site is up, funtioning, the layout isn't horrible. I added a favicon yesterday. (It's cute!) I'm satisfied. I'm working on a header as of now, and I want to put in a footer later.

I believe, for today, that'll be all.

- Dio

Entry 01

1/25/2016 7:44 AM

First post, cheers to me. I'm writing the actual text on my phone and I'll be transferring it to website format later. I've decided to start a journal in this format to fulfill my increasing 90s/00s internet interest alongside the general idea that keeping a journal is a good thing. I've known from past experiences that it's a fantastic way to track my mental status.

I've had to learn HTML from the base upward in order to do this. My dad's been suggesting coding again and again after we realized my engineering career is falling through, so I'm sure he's somewhat excited. As excited as he gets, at least. I'm still balancing what exactly I'd like to do, here. I've mentioned to my boyfriend, Joseph, that I'd like to make a much-needed glossary of otherkin terminology. I'd also like to set up a page to provide some basic information on my past lives. The latter may be a while, as I have a very specific layout in mind, and I don't yet know how to place boxes or tables next to each other with scrolling information. Perhaps in the future, my kinblog page will become defunct and I'll direct people here for that information.

I woke up an hour early today, and I've been pretty effectively glued to my computer. Moreso than usual. I'm hauling it around with me today. I'm hoping this won't interfere with a lot, seeing as I've already got a headache. (As of posting, said headache has increased in intensity rather considerably. Unfortunately.)

I'll sign off for now. At least until lunch, lmao. Here's hoping I won't go hard for a week and then drop this project entirely.

- Dio